yes I snogged a dwarf, deal with it.

For some reason, a friend of mine told me that when she was working in PR she has to look after a midget who was working with Lee Francis when he was playing Avid Merrion. It was a big awards ceremony and she was assigned to 'midget duty'. Anyway she lost the midget and has to go on midget hunt. He was found safe and sound, at the bar, having a pint.

I'm not sure how we got on to the subject, but I ended up sharing a story about a dwarf called Rustie. You see, years ago, I worked on holiday camps on the entertainment teams, a bit like a Butlins Redcoat but for Haven Holidays. Every other week, Rustie the dwarf (a comedian) would come and do a cabaret slot, and we would all get drunk with him after.

One evening, it was my birthday and a crowd of us all went back to the staff chalets. Rustie came with us... we started drinking and smoking cheap weed and somehow a game of spin the bottle was mentioned. To cut a long story short, I was and still am a very sporting girl, and I am no wallflower, so when the bottle pointed at me, I thought 'fuck it, I shall snog the little guy' - so I did, and it was a lovely kiss.

Anyway - fast forward, ooh, at least 17 years - and I decide to out do our friend Michelle's midget story with my midget story. I wasn't quite prepared for the level of hilarity it would provoke. Before I knew it, holy moly, Jay is on the Internet and we discover that said dwarf that I snogged in a drinking game was only an OOMPA LOOMPA in Willy Wonkas Charlie and The Chocolate Factory! How cool is that!!!!!!!

I fear my friends will never let me live this down. Sometimes I wish I had just kept my big ole mouth shut - although I will never regret sharing that kiss with the little guy.